Date: Fri, 26 Dec 1997 20:06:47 -0700
From: Charlie Ford <cford@mindspring.com>
Subject: Virginia Family Visit

After leaving Steve Dolan's home in Alexandria on last Friday I headed
south into Virginia.  Lynn Tucker, who lives in Petersburg, Va. is actually
my cousin, but we have most times in our lives referred to each other as
brothers.  I guess me more than he because I, like others in my family,
have always thought a whole lot of him.  He is just a good guy to be around.

My Aunt adopted him when he was really young.  I am not quite sure of the
whole story, but when my Aunt got killed in a car accident in the real
early 60's, Lynn came to live with us.  I reckon if there was one mal
relative I grew up with more than any other it would have to be Lynn, or
"Tuck" as we all called him.

This time when I visited Tuck, he wasn't in as good of spirits as he has
been in times past.  I saw him last year on one of my trips back from
Washington and in fact the last visit was about a month before I left on my
trip.  The same visit I mentioned in my last post where I was supposed to
pick up the rotors from Chris Chubb.

Driving down from DC, I just sort of tooled along on Highway #1.  I stopped
at a couple of shops along the way including a great Army/Navy Surplus
Store.  It was one of those that is located near a military base, the best
kind.  I went in and searched through the piles of surplus jackets,
raingear, and such.  Hey, none better than the equipment we buy for the
military.  It'll keep a fellow warm, dry, and ready to hide in the woods I
might add.

I had heard a little about Lynn's latest life situation from my Mother here
a while back.  She reported to me that he and his wife Pat had separated
because of another woman.  I didn't gather much of the details simply
because it was none of my business.  I hate to hear that it is happening
but when it comes right down too it, it is between them, I cannot condemn
nor condone.  Lynn and Pat will have to work it out and there is nothing I
can do.  That is except "be there" if he needs me.

As  I approached the house he was standing in the front yard.  He was
making statue forms and acting silly.  Now Lynn is 51 years old, is a Chief
Shift Supervisor for Allied Signal Chemical Plant in Petersburg, and has
the greatest personality of anyone I know.  He loves to laugh and smile,
but can be very serious as well.  He can talk about anything and
everything, and after that knows when to shut up.  I personally never
figured out how to do that part.

As soon as I got out of The Mothership, he came up and hugged me.  He is
about my size and I am sure we looked like to bears hugging in the front
yard.  Now in this area of Virginia there are more good ole country boys
than some other parts of the country.  Lynn is one of those good ole boys.
He hunts an average of three days a week during the season and has taken
his share of bucks over the years.  If your a deer hunter, Virginia is a
great place to enjoy the sport.  The deer run around like herds of dogs in
areas.

Simply put I had plans to go on a hunt while I was here.  But since the
licensee cost so much and it really was not that important to me, I decided
against it.  He and I just hung out together and talked about his
situation, his separation.  a long and in-depth story it is, "My what a
tangled web we weave".  I don't envy him one bit.

It appears that Lynn has met someone new.  She excites him where Pat his
wife, no longer does, nor in all honesty, tries to do.  His sons, Lynn Jr.
and Neil are split on the issue and things in his life just seem to be in
turmoil right now.  Lynn is pissed at his father where Neil tends to
believe more in the live and let live philosophy.  Lynn Jr. needs to figure
out that this is between Lynn and Pat, no one else.  This boy is 30 years
old right now and has a family of his own to take care of.  Hating his Dad
ain't gonna help matters any at all.

Lynn Sr. seems to be taking it in stride, and basically is just trying to
think his way through it.  My advice of course was to 'take a trip'.
One thing I know for sure, it is a very liberating experience.  I do know that
he needs to not be with either woman for a while so he can make up his mind
of what he wants to do.

I have no earthly idea of what this type dilemma feels like.  I can
speculate that it would be one of the tougher things to get over.  Love is
just that way.  even love with someone that no longer satisfies is that
way.  I have always said that I not at all afraid of marriage, but I am
insanely afraid of divorce.

I think that anytime two people form a bond that is founded on what they
feel for one another, and then they break it, it hurts.  The Bible say of
hope, love, and faith...love is the greatest of the three.  It is the most
mysterious feeling we humans can feel.

Now I haven't been in "true love" in several years, but I remember the
three times I was very well.  I remember the questioning of the feeling
early on in the relationship.  I remember the dedication that emerged as
the feeling grew.  I remember the heartbreak when in the end it didn't work
out for one reason or another.  It just about killed me a couple of times.

Love is the only thing I know that can take a person that is normally
structured and organized, and make them a pitiful wreck of disorganization
in one felled swoop.  Hey, it can bring a normally machismo man to cry like
a weeping child, or it can make a woman forsake everything just to be with
that certain person.  Yes, even in these 90's it can do that.

Why Lynn fell out of love with his wife Pat, I don't know.  Whatever the
reason it must be a good one.  Even if it is a bad one I have nothing to
say about the issue, right or wrong.  The rest of my family might not be so
kind.  We have an uncle and aunt in central Florida that will pass judgment
and sentence him to hell in about a day and a half.  They will do this
without a trial or without hearing the entire story.  They will take the
"abomination in the sight of God" line and adopt it to most any situation
that they don't think is following the teaching of their religion.

I am not saying that it is right, but I am saying that it is his decision.
God will forgive him if he does, and he will forgive him if he does not.
God is just like that.  Time will take care of the wounds and the important
thing is to work it out so people only hurt as little as possible, everyone
is going to hurt some.

He and I talked for three days about everything he was thinking.  I had too
tell him in the end to take his time, make up his mind, then do what he
decides with so much of a vengeance that it will all be right even if it is
wrong.  The main thing is to keep your emotions in check good as you can
while your thinking through it.  if your drunk and irrational then no
progress is made.  Although a good drunk ain't bad right after the
heartache starts.

In order to throw a good heartache drunk you gotta have a few things on
hand.  Rot gut hard liquor, a quiet location, a TV, two good friends that
will tolerate your shifts in behavior and crying.  They have to understand
that you are hurting and are likely to say anything at all.  One minute you
may be cursing her for a "BITCH" and the next you will be crying because
you can't live without her.  The next morning you will wake up not feeling
really good so make sure you have some V8 Juice and some Tabasco, it'll
clear a head and a belly so you can start the mature part of re-bounding.

Lynn threw the Heartache drunk right after he left Pat last November.  he
is a born romantic and is as sentimental as Michael Landon.  He can't help
thinking about how she will get along if they do divorce.  He has now
stopped seeing the new woman in an effort to think without outside
influence.  I told this was a good move, simply because he needs the time
alone.

He has moved in with a guy named Mack and they live in small house just
outside of town.  They get along pretty good as they have been friends for
quite a few years.  Mack got a divorce from his wife many years ago after
she left him for a Doctor.  That was the occupation my first love Carol
left me for.  Damn bitch, I don't know how I will live without her.  :)
Turned out pretty good after all was said and done.

Anyway we tooled around a bit.  On Monday of this week we went out and
plinked with the 22 caliber guns.  I am not bad with a 22 pistol, I have
always loved them.  I used to have a Colt Huntsman 22 which was nothing
more than a CIA hit pistol.  I could pick a fence post to apart at 50
yards.  I grew up with 22's and they are the simplest and cheapest gun to
target shoot with.  I do like to target shoot.

I enjoyed my visit with Lynn.  We talked about our Granddaddy, and the rest
of the family as we always do.  We summized that we were the only ones to
break out of the fold and go out and find our own lives, therefore we are
the only really sane ones.  We were the only ones that attended college and
left Georgia to do it.  Part of it was in an effort to learn how to drink
beer, the other was to get away from our Grandfathers demanding rule.

I left Lynn's yesterday and headed on down south to the Outer Banks.
Before I left his area The Mothership had a problem.  The points decided
they would lose on me and surprisingly enough I knew exactly what to do.  I
knew what it was when it started and had it fixed in about five minutes.  I
filed the ones in there down a bit and picked up a set at the first parts
house I came to on my way south.

I took Highway 460 from Petersburg and picked up Highway 168 down to the
Outer Banks at Suffolk, Va.  The drive only took a couple of hours.
Tonight I set up camp in a small campground run by a lady named Ms.
Deloach.  She is about 70 and since I am the only one in the campground has
let me have the run of the place.  I even have cable TV.  She let me have
the site for $7.00 per night, including electric.  Tomorrow, Christmas day
she is going away and she told me that I could stay free of charge as many
days as I wanted.  She is a fine lady.

Thanks for tolerating the ramblings

Charlie Ford

"79" Transporter, dressed for the road
The Mothership

 The"Turning 40 Nostalgic VW Service Tour, and
Search for the Beginning of Wind".

http://www.slurpee.net/~keen/charlie/charlie.html

"Wider still and wider.....shall thy bounds be set"